Moving and moving on.

In my last post I was still unsure if I was going to move back to the mid-west... but a peculiar, but not too outta left field, string of events has occurred. Like I had mentioned in my last post, me and my mom are like oil and water...we don't mix..at all. All we really do is clash with one another. It was only a matter of time before world war three started at my house. I'm glad the explosion occurred before I went on my trip to Kansas because now instead of flying out there from march 8Th to the 16Th, I now am just using my ticket money to fly Joseph out here to California and we are gonna drive the lovely 26 hours back to Kansas in my car. I will be on the edge of my seat the whole drive PRAYING that my car will make it! I am leaving a week from yesterday, march 4Th. It is so last minute and sort of haphazard, but I just gotta get the hell outta dodge. Until I leave on Thursday I plan on just staying with friends and as far away from my mother as humanly possible! :) Life is good, life is grand! I love the feeling of just getting a stress off your back...and that's what I feel I am doing. I'm sure no one really understands how one can just stop talking to their mother... but again, this has just been a long time coming. I'm sure the feeling is mutual, too. She doesn't like me much either. I'm killing two birds with one stone here, by moving! Maybe even more.

Along with moving to Kansas, I am also moving on with some personal issues. I have been unable to get a good sleep lately because my mind has been consumed with just thought. I have been mulling through why I can't let go of certain things. What experiences have hindered that from occurring. Being your own psychologist is ridiculous! But I think I am improving on a lot of stuff. I am finally able to realize that just because someone loved you, and no longer does, doesn't mean that they never did. Even though I'm trying my hardest to move on I am fully aware, and fully accept, that I may never be able to fully be able to get past my issues and feelings 100 percent...and that's okay! As long as I can handle them and deal with them appropriately. :) My life is beginning to look bright. I'm excited for life and what it has to offer!

Kansas!

Greetings!

The weather has been amazing this past week! I have gotten some much needed sun..I was getting a little too pasty for my liking. Nothing of significance has been happening with me and it's bumming me out. I feel like I am just sorta going through my days just working, working out, hanging out with friends, and having a fun time. I mean, that's great and all... but I need to get back to school. I have too many goals in life to be lazy. I have decided I am going to move back to Kansas. There is too many things here in California that sadden me and I feel like Kansas will help me feel more secure in life. I have the support of my sister, friends, and my dads family. I think that would be more support than I could have if I stay trapped here in California. There is something very appealing about supporting myself and relying on no one for help financially. Kansas is awesome..I think I will be happier there.

My sister got another tattoo the other day! It is pretty cool. It is of her sons footprint, which I think is better than most tattoo's cause it actually means something to her. It's on her left shoulder/arm and is a decent size. Haha. My mom was pissed. This is my sisters 5Th tattoo and my mom has had enough! It's sorta weird to see my mom get all in a frenzy about these small insignificant matters...well, anyone for that matter. Why do people, myself included from time to time, get all worked up over such small things that really don't matter in the long run? I think we can all save our selves from a lot of stress if we we focused more on the more important things. Just something to think about.
I wish I had a better relationship with my mom. She has been around my whole life, raised me and supported me..but for some reason we but heads so much! I really don't like it. Maybe one day when I am older I will understand her a bit more, but right now it seems like something that will never happen. I will love her regardless, but that doesn't mean I have to stay around it and feel the negativity does it?

Taxes done and refund on its way. Courtney is happy.

So, I did my taxes tonight and I am now extremely confused why everyone throws a hissy fit over them. It really is no big deal, it was as easy as pie! But then again I am getting money back and do not owe anything...and I'm sure that's what people complain about the most. In any case, I am very happy. I really do like the 21st century with all of its modern day conveniences. The government is just going to put the money straight into an account of my choosing..direct deposit is a ingenious invention which I need to take advantage of more often! Other than doing my taxes, today has been pretty dull-nothing too exciting or out of the ordinary has happened. Although, I was very impressed with the dinner my mom made me tonight. If you know me, then you know how a good meal will just brighten my day. So when my mom told me she was making me my favorite chicken dish I almost dropped to the floor. It's chicken stuffed with artichoke, sun dried tomatoes, garlic, basil, and other seasonings. Talk about heaven in your mouth...this dish is amazing. To add to the bliss I also had a diet coke! Ah, Life is grand, ain't it? Hahaha.


I guess this is going to be a brief post. My apologies. I just did the usual today. Woke up, ate, worked, went to the gym, hung out and had fun...the same thing I do everyday! So I will spare you the unimportant details. :) Tomorrow I will do the exact same thing. For some reason I am EXTREMELY excited for the gym tomorrow, so maybe I will have something to blog about tomorrow.

I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.

This past year things have been pretty tough on me. I've learned a lot about myself, others, love, loss, and life. It's been a very bitter-sweet experience. One thing that I have tried to do VERY differently this past year is only speak to people when it is appropriate to do so. I'm not going to go around wearing my emotions on my sleeve, and tell everyone what I am feeling. I have realized that knowing those personal things about me is not a right, but a privilege. So, when I say something to someone that is more than surface small talk, I would take that as a serious compliment because it doesn't happen very often. I used to be the person on the other end, believe it or not. I would try and get all the dirt on someone, expecting them to just trust me. I realized, though, that it was very rude and demanding of me. I ruined many relationships that way, one very important one in particular. Although I am upset that I learned a little too late, I am happy I even learned the lesson at all. Maybe I saved myself and others from any pain. Hopefully! But, I also have learned that if you keep the most special and deep emotions to yourself, and save them to tell to someone special, it will make that bond between you two even more deep. I think that's why I don't go around wearing my emotions on my sleeve, like I had up until a year ago.. Cause I learned that a deep relationship is worth more than a 1,000 small ones. Haha..I'm going off on a tangit here, I'll stop. Haha. I guess the moral of what I'm trying to get across is that if I say something to you, know that I have really thought about it before hand. I won't say something I don't mean, and everything I do or will say will be exactly what I intended it to. Reading into anything more than what I said will probably result in hurt feelings or something. So, just don't :)

Anyways....

I am going to have dinner with my grandma and momma tonight. I'm pretty stoked. My grandma means pretty much the whole world to me, and my mom too. They both are full of wisdom, and I think I could benefit a lot from their words of encouragement. Not to mention, they cook a great dinner every time! Haha. I love family probably more than any other thing in my life, no matter how dysfunctional it can be at times.

Off to give my grandma a huge hug. :) See ya!

Good news!

I got my car fixed! Turns out it was just dangerously low on oil. I'm still convinced that my car really has a mind of its own and is plotting to drive me insane... But I will just try to remember to listen to it next time it tells me it needs oil, and this will hopefully never happen to me again. The mechanic said I was lucky I didn't completely ruin my engine. Like I mentioned in my previous blog.. I really think that all rules have exceptions. I'm learning that's not the case...especially with cars. Hahaha. Before I got my car to the mechanic I almost lost it, though. I bought a membership to AAA on Saturday and they took the money out of my checking account that day. So, when I called yesterday to get a tow truck to take me to the mechanic they tried telling me that they didn't have any records of me ever calling or taking my money. Let me just say that there is nothing that will piss me off faster and send me into a frenzy more, than people screwing with my money. With that said, lets just say that the wrath of Courtney was unleashed on the AAA people. The whole thing was extremely unprofessional of them and completely absurd. Long story short.. I told them if they didn't get me a tow truck it would not be pretty. I got a tow truck :) My mom taught me how to get my way with these incompetent companies. Haha. My car was fixed and I am SO grateful that it didn't cost hundreds of dollars to fix! I am still scared to drive it, though! Haha...I am just convinced it will blow any second.
Yesterday was pretty productive for me! I got my car fixed, ran 6 miles, went to the Apple store to try and get to the bottom of my phones problem, and then watched the bachelor! I love productive days! I want to continue making the most of my days. I have so many goals that I want to accomplish that sometimes it will overwhelm me and just turn me off. You know that feeling? It sucks. I am the worlds biggest procrastinator, too. So that doesn't help one bit. I made a goal for this week to just tackle one thing that is important...and I think that will help a lot. I guess I should stop writing then and start doing something with my day! :)

Another sunny Sabbath in Orange County

Today feels like it's eons long. I don't get many days like this...when, at the end of the day, you look back and think "wow, that was a long day!" and I really like that feeling. Maybe it is because most Sundays I spend 3 hours in church, and I didn't today, or it is because I spent it with some awesome people...it's probably a bit of both :)
My mom has been out of town visiting my sister who lives in Kansas so I have gotten the house all to myself, which is such a nice luxury for me cause there is nothing that will put me in a bad mood faster than a lot of unnecessary commotion that is inevitable with a lot of people in the house, you know? So... today was great! I got to wake up on my own and not by any alarm, aroma coming from the kitchen, blaring cartoons from the living room, or my mom nagging me to get out of bed. I woke up to nothing, and I loved every minute of it. I made myself some oatmeal, and watched some television and just enjoyed my own company...something I love probably more than any other social activity lately. Haha. I think when you have no real time constraint or plans that have a specific time, life goes by much slower and seems a lot less frantic. It's awesome. About 1pm I headed to my Aunts house for some good ole' fun. We just shot the breeze and cooked dinner (which was amazing!) I read a pretty nifty book while at her house today. It was called "10,000 ways to say I love you". It made me smile! Books like that are just fun to read, and make me just a little happier about life :)

Basically, in a small nutshell...(cause I could go on forever describing how awesome this day was)... today was nice and refreshing. Life is too short to get caught up in the dull tasks of everyday life. Switch things up every now and then and maybe life won't be so boring. I don't know...that's just something I seem to be learning. This weekend has been tough, with my car and all, but I mean.. These sorta things are what life is all about! Deal with them, learn from them, then just move on and try not to repeat the same mistake again! Today was just the thing I needed! I love my life. I am so blessed to have what I have, and to be able to do what I do. :)

Not the best day I've ever had.

Do you ever have one of those days where nothing good seems to ever stick to you? Like as soon as something starts looking decent, and you begin to be happy, something happens that just knocks the wind right our of your sails? Well, I am having one of those blasted days. I guess they are inevitable sometimes, but they still stink nonetheless. I suffer from a disease called " I don't think that will happen to me" and I always pay for it in the end. For example..My "check oil light" has been coming on for about a month now but I never think much of it because it always goes on and off. So, my reasoning was that I would take it in for an oil change as soon as it consistently stays on...BIG mistake. As I was driving to the gym today, (things were going great, I was sooo excited to just run away my days frustrations) when my car starts making really weird noises and smoking! I was lucky enough to not be stuck in the middle of traffic or anything and I pulled into a random parking lot. Long story short, I was on the phone for like an hour with triple A because apparently my membership had expired so I had to purchase a whole new membership! Then the tow truck finally comes and I am just pissed cause I can no longer go to the gym. (One thing I really dislike) The tow truck guy was really nice, though. He drove me home...which was surprisingly not weird at all! The conversation was mostly me asking him questions about the towing business..hahaha... it was pretty funny. I never thought I would find such a random thing so intruiging.

So, I finally get home and have to go to dinner with some friends, but by this point I wanted to just say screw it cause I had had enough crap for one day. But, me being the social butterfly that I am, decided to just go. It ended up being pointless just cause I think I said one word the whole time at dinner. Today has drained me.


I didn't get to celebrate it but today is actually a happy day for my nephew! It's his first birthday! Boy has the time flown by..it's crazy. He is the apple of my eye, I am so in love with the little kid. I had the oppurtunity to live and help my sister take care of him for the first 7 months of his life, and I am so grateful for that oppurtunity. It taught me so much about not only myself, but the responsibilites of being a mother. I will one day be a mother but living with Preston and seeing how hard it is, I see and now understand that having children is something that should only be done when you are capable of rearing that child in the best enviroment possible, with A LOT of love!



:) Anyways, I hope he had an amazing birthday!

I think I will get to bed early tonight. Maybe I just need the sleep.

Getting the hang of this... I think...

This whole blog thing is actually pretty nifty. I made myself a little play list and everything!
I'm still a little confused about what I'm supposed to write about, though..? About what's happening in my life? If that's the case then this will be a fairly boring blog..haha. Nothing toooo exciting happens from day-to-day. I guess it's all just mundane to me now, but for someone who isn't apart of it I suppose it could be somewhat exciting!
I recently became a member of flickr (where you post pictures) and it's been cool taking more and more pictures with my iPhone. Who says you need a huge expensive camera to take nice pictures? I'm not that great, but it's fun to post them and see what people may have to say about them. It's amazing what people see through their own eye, you know? If I see one thing, they may see something completely different, and that's fascinating to me. I think photography is the ultimate art..cause it really is all your own! I'm no artist by any means, and in any way..haha. But I really really enjoy looking at others :)

oh, why not!?

So, I guess this whole blog thing was just another website that I got sucked into. I guess it's useful. I mean, you can basically share pictures, post the happenings of your life, and talk about random stuff. It's almost more useful than facebook...almost. We will see if I actually stick with this blog thing because I suck at maintaining a real journal, let alone a virtual one. But I'm optimistic. I will try to keep things updated.